[ and she will, but for now? it does suck, he's not wrong about that. she lifts a hand to run through her hair, lips twisting into something lopsided, not quite a smile but close enough.
and then he continues and her expression grows more serious. ]
I only know what was shared on Prompto's network post. [ voice dipping a little lower, enough that it certainly won't carry in a place with as much background noise as this bar. ] That you were in bad shape.
[ it's not easy to admit because he'd really been no help at all while they'd been trying to get out of there. he'd just been...there. barely able to stay conscious, barely able to breathe, barely able to do anything. ]
It wasn't — [ he stops abruptly and resists the urge to rub at his chest. there was nothing there, he was fine, but it was still something he felt like he had to do sometimes just to make sure. ] It would have been a great chance for you to see my blood because there was a lot of it.
[ it's a terrible joke, he knows. not untrue but terrible. ]
[ bobbi's lips press together. she doesn't know any of the details, but it's clear that whatever happened, it's affecting him -- and from the hints he's dropping, she can't blame him for that.
the sympathy in her expression, in her tone isn't an act. ]
[ he finishes his drink but doesn't immediately order a new one. he knows how that'd look and he doesn't need put out any more warning signs. ]
I helped stop a few looters during the whole EMP thing. Maybe a little more aggressively than should have been done but they weren't just going to stop because we asked them nicely to, you know?
[ a lot more? maybe a lot more. ]
Apparently, they were...well connected. [ or connected enough. ] I didn't even see them coming, you know? Woke up in some dank building tied to a chair.
[ and that was just the beginning. ]
I think I was there for...two days. I lost track of time.
[ bobbi hesitates for a moment before reaching out. the gesture's slow -- it might seem uncertain, but really, her main intention is to telegraph it well, not to surprise him with it. to give him time to withdraw, if touch isn't welcome.
if he doesn't, she'll put a hand on his arm, high enough that it's above the sleeve instead of on his bare skin. (she thinks back to the day he'd first met her, to putting her hand over his, the empathy bond - to the way he'd turned his hand and squeezed hers.
she doesn't want to force the empathy bond on him now, if he's already feeling raw and exposed. but if he needed to borrow some strength? -- well, she's here.) ]
Did you survive?
[ she hates that she has to ask, but she's infinitely glad that death doesn't necessarily mean the end here -- and that there seem to be fewer ill-effects than coulson had been suffering after being revived. ]
[ he doesn't flinch away but he does appreciate her being slow about it. he knows he's jumpy and if she's being that deliberate, she's seen it too. touch is...he's not afraid of it necessarily but he hasn't really been seeking it out either. when her hand lands on his arms, he shudders a bit, not out of revulsion or dislike but just plain relief that he's able to bear it. ]
I think so.
[ he's pretty sure he'd been close to dying but hadn't gotten all the way there. ]
But there was...I didn't want to survive at one point.
[ he breathes out, a shaky thing and rubs his brow. ]
[ he doesn't pull away, despite the shudder, and so bobbi leaves her hand where it is. hopefully it's more of a tether, a reminder that he's alive, more of a comfort than anything else.
she can't say that she's been there -- but she's been hurt and she's been captured and tortured before. she can't tell him that without blowing her cover and while she thinks she'd trust marcos with it, there's no point in adding to the things on his mind right now just to offer him some additional measure of sympathy. ]
I think maybe you don't have to know. [ she says after a while. it can just be the kind of thing that needs time to come to grips with. ]
[ he doesn't want to die and he knows that for a fact. he doesn't want to constantly have to look over his shoulder either but he'll take the trade off if it means he gets to stay alive for a little while longer.
could that change tomorrow? the next day? the next week? he knows it's a possibility especially with this hanging over his head for however long but it's still a chance. ]
That sounds like I need someone to watch me twenty four seven which isn't the case. It's just...there's a lot to sort through.
[ if that made sense. ] I'm a little off if he couldn't tell. I know I'm not making it obvious or anything.
It sounds like you went through something traumatic. No shame in that.
[ she squeezes his arm briefly before letting go to reach for her glass instead, taking a large sip of her wine. their being here isn't great to begin with, but what he went through goes far beyond that, by the sound of it. there definitely is no shame in struggling. ]
[ now, he finally signals the bartender for another drink. nothing too strong but definitely something with a slight punch. ]
I'm fine.
[ right as rain. ]
And it'll be fine. [ eventually. ] That's a lot more talking about me than I'm used to and it was all bad. Sorry about that. Shouldn't have dumped it on you.
[ and she did. she signals the bartender for another glass of wine, too, despite the fact that hers isn't entirely empty yet. it'll get there; of that, she has no doubt.
lips pulling up a little on one side, she asks: ] Better than a wall?
[ he sits back a little, exhaling a quiet, quick laugh before reaching for his drink and twisting and turning the glass with his fingers while he gathered his thoughts. ]
Thanks for being better than a wall. [ not that that was much of a compliment but it's sincerely said all the same. ] Feel like I should give you the chance to get anything off your chest since you just let me unload.
[ so, you know, feel free. ]
Even if it's how about people just constantly talk your ear off. I won't be offended.
[ she means it, too. it's good that this was better than talking to a wall, even if that's a seemingly low standard -- sometimes, not having an audience to one's emotion is preferable, after all. so it's still a bit of a compliment. ]
I don't actually mind people talking my ear off, you know. [ she says, flashing a quick grin, although she sobers up pretty quickly after. ]
[ he's gotten lucky in that he hasn't lost anyone because he hasn't been here long enough to make too many connections. he knows that that's a possibility, a danger of this place but it's hard to cut that part of yourself off. ]
I wish I could say that you were welcome at my place anytime but I don't have one of those right now. Not of my own, at least. So, you can always call me, though. I tend to be around.
[ especially now with the loss of his job and the bouncing back and forth between places while he figured out where to live since the safehouse was out. ]
And I might not be the greatest company but I can strive for above average.
[ once upon a time, he'd been one of the people she'd lost. of course, they hadn't been as close as she'd grown to dick, as intimate as she'd been with thor -- not to mention fitz and peggy who knew who she really was, what she could do, with whom she didn't pretend to be something she's not. ]
Thank you. And hey, same goes.
[ although - ] I do have a place of my own now, but I'm going to need new roommates if I want to keep it.
[ she lifts a hand to run through her hair, sighing a little. ] I hadn't considered that yet. [ yes, she had. ]
You're managing above average just fine, you know. [ with a hint of a smile, before she sobers up again, pitching her voice a little lower. ] I think it's - there's so much about this place that doesn't make sense, that we're figuring out - or not figuring out, as the case may be. And then something so mundane and normal and universal as loss comes and it blindsides you.
[ well. ]
I'm choosing to believe they've gone back home, all of them.
[ which means she'll never see dick or thor again, not this thor at least, until they come back here. ]
[ maybe he'll even take her up on that offer more than once in a blue moon all things considered. talking about what's happened to him has made him feel a little less like he's going to explode so maybe he'll do that more often.
he reaches for his drink and finishes it slowly. ]
I'm sure you'll find people willing to go in with you. The safehouse was crowded last I was there. [ but it'd be a little less crowded now that he couldn't and wouldn't go back just to make sure everyone was safe. ]
I think you've hit on what makes this place hard sometimes. You think you adapt and have things figured out and something new happens to make you realize that you don't. You tell yourself you're not going to make connections or open that part of yourself up and then you do and then...something like this happens.
[ people left and they took a part of you with them. ]
They've gone back home. I'm good with thinking that. And I bet they'll think of you every once in awhile too.
Yeah, I'm not worried about not finding anyone. I'm more worried about finding someone I won't mind taking over the room of a good friend.
[ she'd like to think that she's easy-going, but she doesn't want to have to pretend at home as much as she pretends every moment that she's not at home. she wants it to be a space where she can truly relax and let her guard down - as much as she ever does, anyway.
which - marcos doesn't know who she is, not really, but she could imagine telling him. half-jokingly: ] I don't suppose you need a place, do you?
[ she sighs a little, even if it's tempered with a half-smile a moment later. ] Yeah, it can be hard. But thinking they're home and all right definitely helps.
I get that. You don't want to give a room to someone you don't really know especially in a place like this. There's gotta be some level of trust.
[ you don't want to give it to the wrong person who might put you in even more danger than you already were in just by living here or someone who made you uncomfortable. ]
I've been couch surfing for awhile now. [ so, maybe he did need a place. ] I can't go back to the safehouse anymore. I don't want to put anyone in danger.
[ and he was careful about where he went even now just in case. ] So, I'm having to be cautious about where I go. So, I don't drag trouble behind me.
[ she actually means that. at the same time, she's thinking - she can understand the need to keep others safe all too well.
for a moment, she worries her lower lip between her teeth. ]
There's a conversation we should have, but I don't want to pile too much on you tonight.
[ his choice whether he wants to hear about it tonight or some other time, but - she thinks he could be a good roommate and if he is that, he should know who she really is.
[ a smile flickers across his face as he reaches for his drink and takes several slow gulps. ]
You're not hiding your secret past as a pop singer, are you? Got a few albums out that I might have missed because it's not my type of music? Did some tours that sold out before you grew out of that phase.
[ he hides a quiet laugh by drinking and again and looks over at her. ]
You've found me out. I definitely have a career in pop music. The cheesy 90s kind.
[ she's grinning now, too, mirroring him when he takes a drink and taking a sip from her wine - although it does little to hide her grin because she's still (or again) grinning when she lowers the glass. ]
I can see it. You've definitely got that pop star look.
[ he doesn't even know what a pop star look is. a broken clock's right twice a day though so maybe she does have the look and he just doesn't even know it. ]
If pen and paper were still a thing here, I'd ask for an autograph.
[ alas. ]
I'll keep your secret. Cross my heart. [ he taps two fingers over his heart and snickers. ]
[ and the thing is - she does. but she meant it when she said she didn't want to put too much on him and he's just been talking about his trauma, so bobbi changes the topic after that and they talk about everything and nothing for a while. music they used to like, movies they used to like.
he walks her home and in front of her apartment complex, bobbi offers a wry smile. ]
Why don't you come up? I've got another bottle of wine and - [ she shrugs. ] I think I owe you an autograph. [ aka "i think i owe you a secret" ]
Sure. That sounds good. [ sounded like a good way to avoid his own head too. he doesn't want to get too lost in there any sooner than he has to so he readily accepts the offer. ]
You're so good to your fans. [ it's nice to know that he can still tease a bit despite all that crap in his head. ] Lead on. I'll help you finish your wine.
[ her grin is quick and sharply amused. she leads the way up to her apartment - it's large and quite empty, three bedrooms of which only hers is occupied now. she hasn't put all of fitz's things in boxes yet, though.
she gestures to the couch. ] Make yourself comfortable.
[ she goes to get the wine and two glasses before taking her own advice and getting comfortable on the couch, curling one leg beneath her body. it's a position that's a little off-balance, her upper body turned to marcos. it's open, a little vulnerable. that's on purpose, even if it's unthinking. ]
Truth is, I'm not a pop star. I'm not a civilian, either, and my name isn't actually Katelin. [ isn't he glad he's got that wine now? bobbi takes a sip of her own. ]
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[ and she will, but for now? it does suck, he's not wrong about that. she lifts a hand to run through her hair, lips twisting into something lopsided, not quite a smile but close enough.
and then he continues and her expression grows more serious. ]
I only know what was shared on Prompto's network post. [ voice dipping a little lower, enough that it certainly won't carry in a place with as much background noise as this bar. ] That you were in bad shape.
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[ it's not easy to admit because he'd really been no help at all while they'd been trying to get out of there. he'd just been...there. barely able to stay conscious, barely able to breathe, barely able to do anything. ]
It wasn't — [ he stops abruptly and resists the urge to rub at his chest. there was nothing there, he was fine, but it was still something he felt like he had to do sometimes just to make sure. ] It would have been a great chance for you to see my blood because there was a lot of it.
[ it's a terrible joke, he knows. not untrue but terrible. ]
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the sympathy in her expression, in her tone isn't an act. ]
What happened?
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I helped stop a few looters during the whole EMP thing. Maybe a little more aggressively than should have been done but they weren't just going to stop because we asked them nicely to, you know?
[ a lot more? maybe a lot more. ]
Apparently, they were...well connected. [ or connected enough. ] I didn't even see them coming, you know? Woke up in some dank building tied to a chair.
[ and that was just the beginning. ]
I think I was there for...two days. I lost track of time.
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if he doesn't, she'll put a hand on his arm, high enough that it's above the sleeve instead of on his bare skin. (she thinks back to the day he'd first met her, to putting her hand over his, the empathy bond - to the way he'd turned his hand and squeezed hers.
she doesn't want to force the empathy bond on him now, if he's already feeling raw and exposed. but if he needed to borrow some strength? -- well, she's here.) ]
Did you survive?
[ she hates that she has to ask, but she's infinitely glad that death doesn't necessarily mean the end here -- and that there seem to be fewer ill-effects than coulson had been suffering after being revived. ]
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I think so.
[ he's pretty sure he'd been close to dying but hadn't gotten all the way there. ]
But there was...I didn't want to survive at one point.
[ he breathes out, a shaky thing and rubs his brow. ]
I don't know how to really think about that.
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she can't say that she's been there -- but she's been hurt and she's been captured and tortured before. she can't tell him that without blowing her cover and while she thinks she'd trust marcos with it, there's no point in adding to the things on his mind right now just to offer him some additional measure of sympathy. ]
I think maybe you don't have to know. [ she says after a while. it can just be the kind of thing that needs time to come to grips with. ]
How do you feel about surviving now?
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[ he doesn't want to die and he knows that for a fact. he doesn't want to constantly have to look over his shoulder either but he'll take the trade off if it means he gets to stay alive for a little while longer.
could that change tomorrow? the next day? the next week? he knows it's a possibility especially with this hanging over his head for however long but it's still a chance. ]
That sounds like I need someone to watch me twenty four seven which isn't the case. It's just...there's a lot to sort through.
[ if that made sense. ] I'm a little off if he couldn't tell. I know I'm not making it obvious or anything.
[ ha ha. ]
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[ she squeezes his arm briefly before letting go to reach for her glass instead, taking a large sip of her wine. their being here isn't great to begin with, but what he went through goes far beyond that, by the sound of it. there definitely is no shame in struggling. ]
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[ now, he finally signals the bartender for another drink. nothing too strong but definitely something with a slight punch. ]
I'm fine.
[ right as rain. ]
And it'll be fine. [ eventually. ] That's a lot more talking about me than I'm used to and it was all bad. Sorry about that. Shouldn't have dumped it on you.
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[ and she did. she signals the bartender for another glass of wine, too, despite the fact that hers isn't entirely empty yet. it'll get there; of that, she has no doubt.
lips pulling up a little on one side, she asks: ] Better than a wall?
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[ he sits back a little, exhaling a quiet, quick laugh before reaching for his drink and twisting and turning the glass with his fingers while he gathered his thoughts. ]
Thanks for being better than a wall. [ not that that was much of a compliment but it's sincerely said all the same. ] Feel like I should give you the chance to get anything off your chest since you just let me unload.
[ so, you know, feel free. ]
Even if it's how about people just constantly talk your ear off. I won't be offended.
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[ she means it, too. it's good that this was better than talking to a wall, even if that's a seemingly low standard -- sometimes, not having an audience to one's emotion is preferable, after all. so it's still a bit of a compliment. ]
I don't actually mind people talking my ear off, you know. [ she says, flashing a quick grin, although she sobers up pretty quickly after. ]
It beats an empty apartment.
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[ he's gotten lucky in that he hasn't lost anyone because he hasn't been here long enough to make too many connections. he knows that that's a possibility, a danger of this place but it's hard to cut that part of yourself off. ]
I wish I could say that you were welcome at my place anytime but I don't have one of those right now. Not of my own, at least. So, you can always call me, though. I tend to be around.
[ especially now with the loss of his job and the bouncing back and forth between places while he figured out where to live since the safehouse was out. ]
And I might not be the greatest company but I can strive for above average.
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Thank you. And hey, same goes.
[ although - ] I do have a place of my own now, but I'm going to need new roommates if I want to keep it.
[ she lifts a hand to run through her hair, sighing a little. ] I hadn't considered that yet. [ yes, she had. ]
You're managing above average just fine, you know. [ with a hint of a smile, before she sobers up again, pitching her voice a little lower. ] I think it's - there's so much about this place that doesn't make sense, that we're figuring out - or not figuring out, as the case may be. And then something so mundane and normal and universal as loss comes and it blindsides you.
[ well. ]
I'm choosing to believe they've gone back home, all of them.
[ which means she'll never see dick or thor again, not this thor at least, until they come back here. ]
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[ maybe he'll even take her up on that offer more than once in a blue moon all things considered. talking about what's happened to him has made him feel a little less like he's going to explode so maybe he'll do that more often.
he reaches for his drink and finishes it slowly. ]
I'm sure you'll find people willing to go in with you. The safehouse was crowded last I was there. [ but it'd be a little less crowded now that he couldn't and wouldn't go back just to make sure everyone was safe. ]
I think you've hit on what makes this place hard sometimes. You think you adapt and have things figured out and something new happens to make you realize that you don't. You tell yourself you're not going to make connections or open that part of yourself up and then you do and then...something like this happens.
[ people left and they took a part of you with them. ]
They've gone back home. I'm good with thinking that. And I bet they'll think of you every once in awhile too.
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[ she'd like to think that she's easy-going, but she doesn't want to have to pretend at home as much as she pretends every moment that she's not at home. she wants it to be a space where she can truly relax and let her guard down - as much as she ever does, anyway.
which - marcos doesn't know who she is, not really, but she could imagine telling him. half-jokingly: ] I don't suppose you need a place, do you?
[ she sighs a little, even if it's tempered with a half-smile a moment later. ] Yeah, it can be hard. But thinking they're home and all right definitely helps.
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[ you don't want to give it to the wrong person who might put you in even more danger than you already were in just by living here or someone who made you uncomfortable. ]
I've been couch surfing for awhile now. [ so, maybe he did need a place. ] I can't go back to the safehouse anymore. I don't want to put anyone in danger.
[ and he was careful about where he went even now just in case. ] So, I'm having to be cautious about where I go. So, I don't drag trouble behind me.
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[ she actually means that. at the same time, she's thinking - she can understand the need to keep others safe all too well.
for a moment, she worries her lower lip between her teeth. ]
There's a conversation we should have, but I don't want to pile too much on you tonight.
[ his choice whether he wants to hear about it tonight or some other time, but - she thinks he could be a good roommate and if he is that, he should know who she really is.
that she can take care of herself. ]
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[ a smile flickers across his face as he reaches for his drink and takes several slow gulps. ]
You're not hiding your secret past as a pop singer, are you? Got a few albums out that I might have missed because it's not my type of music? Did some tours that sold out before you grew out of that phase.
[ he hides a quiet laugh by drinking and again and looks over at her. ]
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[ she's grinning now, too, mirroring him when he takes a drink and taking a sip from her wine - although it does little to hide her grin because she's still (or again) grinning when she lowers the glass. ]
That's my secret.
[ no, it's not. ]
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[ he doesn't even know what a pop star look is. a broken clock's right twice a day though so maybe she does have the look and he just doesn't even know it. ]
If pen and paper were still a thing here, I'd ask for an autograph.
[ alas. ]
I'll keep your secret. Cross my heart. [ he taps two fingers over his heart and snickers. ]
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[ and the thing is - she does. but she meant it when she said she didn't want to put too much on him and he's just been talking about his trauma, so bobbi changes the topic after that and they talk about everything and nothing for a while. music they used to like, movies they used to like.
he walks her home and in front of her apartment complex, bobbi offers a wry smile. ]
Why don't you come up? I've got another bottle of wine and - [ she shrugs. ] I think I owe you an autograph. [ aka "i think i owe you a secret" ]
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You're so good to your fans. [ it's nice to know that he can still tease a bit despite all that crap in his head. ] Lead on. I'll help you finish your wine.
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[ her grin is quick and sharply amused. she leads the way up to her apartment - it's large and quite empty, three bedrooms of which only hers is occupied now. she hasn't put all of fitz's things in boxes yet, though.
she gestures to the couch. ] Make yourself comfortable.
[ she goes to get the wine and two glasses before taking her own advice and getting comfortable on the couch, curling one leg beneath her body. it's a position that's a little off-balance, her upper body turned to marcos. it's open, a little vulnerable. that's on purpose, even if it's unthinking. ]
Truth is, I'm not a pop star. I'm not a civilian, either, and my name isn't actually Katelin. [ isn't he glad he's got that wine now? bobbi takes a sip of her own. ]
It's Bobbi. Bobbi Morse.
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wanna leave it here and write their pizza night next?
yeah, i'm down!